WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD JOBS GONE?
(Probably to the kids who didn't opt for an Arts degree!)
A bit about me:
Whatever's brought you here,
be it fate,
coincidence,
a disappointing LinkedIn search
or perhaps a late-night e-mail from my mom,
there is but one truth:
You are here.
Relax.
Kick off your shoes.
Stay a while.
"The Girl with the Gift that Never Stops Giving"
...Gab. The Gift is Gab.
For survival purposes,
I have learned to mute my persona.
Emotions run through me like the trains at Penn Station; charging and powerful,
and with little predictability as to their actual timing.
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Riptide empathy drowns my thoughts and carries me off to the far away lands of the plights of others.
​
Protective barriers stripped away until I am nothing but feelings.
Pure and raw and ravaging feelings.
​
​
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And so, Prozac!
Original Shots
"Priorities" - Venice Beach
Dr. Jekyll... and Mrs. Hired?
Experience
1992
BIRTH
Starring Role - Galileo
Landed lead role of Galileo in The 3rd Grade Play. Demonstrated profound humility in my acceptance to occasionally swap roles with Tim Schroeder who wouldn't stop crying after being casted as satellite #2. I also hear I was quite the satellite.
FORMAL ACTING DEBUT
2000
2009-2017
Starring Role - Me
Can't honestly recall much about this one, but I'm sure I did great.
MISCELLANEOUS LINES OF EMPLOYMENT
I've Gotten Literally Every Job Off Craigslist
Waitress at Irish pub; Lifeguard (saving lives, etc.); Executive and administrative assistance at top-ranked DC area international PR firm: Susan Davis International; PA to Drs/Owners of Periodontics office; PA to CEOs of Environmental Engineering Firm; House Manager/Executive Assistant & Pseudo-mom for power couple with extensive travel obligations; Intake counselor for substance abuse rehabilitation facility; Patient Care Coordinator and part-time marketing assistant for 24/7/365 elite concierge medical practice
1995
DEMONSTRATING INITIATIVE FROM THE VERY BEGINNING
Apparently dissatisfied with the curriculum offered at my local Montessori school, I decided to conduct my own courses in a separate corner of the classroom. This presented an obstacle for the school's strict "Never tell a child 'No'" policy. Mixed feedback from teachers, but student response was overwhelmingly positive.
2010-2014
FAR AWAY LANDS
Pursual of BA in Psychology and Philosophy at the University of Dublin, Trinity College
Clearly, I am able to put aside financial incentives when making potentially life-altering decisions.
Present Day
Artist's Limbo
After college, I was caught in the common conundrum of the recent grad: get a job relevant to your degree that pays nothing because you decided to go for a Bachelor of Arts and no one's impressed, OR, get a job that has absolutely nothing to do with anything you've ever found interesting, but will allow you to take small trivial hacks at that exponentially expanding college loan so you can fool yourself into thinking you might be able to afford a sensible home sans parents by your mid-thirties. I naively elected the latter, assuring myself I would maintain my passions (and my sanity) during off-work hours and eventually accrue the financial stability to do what I want with my life (imagine that!). Fast-forward a few years and we've reached roughly last August, when I left what I have promised myself would be my last thankless, monotonous, underpaid soul-sucking occupation. Unless I accidentally become a mom.
Let's keep in touch.
"And those who were seen dancing
were thought to be insane
by those who could not hear the music."
- Friedrich Nietzsche